Broken record

her brain,

a crackly old vinyl record

her love for him,

a giant scratch across her gray matter

her heart,

skittering thump in her chest 

her desire,

move the needle beyond this rut 

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Note to world #6834

We rented a small house by the beach, me and my teenage children – and their smart phones. 

It was a long quiet week of sunshine and social media. 

An elderly caretaker checked in occasionally to see how we were doing.  It was maybe the best time I had the entire week – another adult (!) and one who definitely did not have an Instagram, Snapchat or Facebook account (!!) – plus he was clearly the geriatric version of Encyclopedia Brown, smart and inventive but retired and bored. 

And I had loved Encyclopedia Brown mysteries as a girl.  

It was perfect. 

Near the end of our week, he stopped by and desperate for adult companionship, I pointed out some puzzling issues I had been observing at the house.  

He hypothesized that the grill cover was being blown off at night by the winds from the ocean gusting up against the alley behind the house.  I questioned him carefully before deducing that he might be right. It certainly sounded like a better theory than mine, which was that a stranger was sneaking around town at night to make hamburgers in the dark. 

He also inspected the garbage cans that had been tipped over nightly and examined the strewn trash before diagnosing the probable cause as very hungry squirrels.  Frankly, I felt certain that the hamburger-eating stranger was also just extremely clumsy, but my Mr. Brown knew far too much about the trash-rummaging habits of local squirrels to be dissuaded from his conclusion, and I was forced to concede that, once again, he was likely right. 

The elderly Encyclopedia later returned from the hardware store with several items – bungee cords for the grill cover, a metal garbage can and a bottle of ammonia.  His errand gave me enough time to refill my coffee cup so when he came back, I could join him outside and loiter around while he muttered and repaired and experimented.  

Though it was a gorgeous day and nearly noon, my teenage children were inside – only having recently emerged from sleep and busy checking all the various internet postings that occurred during the few hours they were asleep. 

I needed this time under the sun, my hands wrapped around this cup of coffee, this conversation with a kind stranger going over simple mysteries that could be simply solved – aka “vacation”. 

Dog love 7

She loves me

{ She trots away; I can still smell it when I wander in }

She loves me not

{ She’s wagging her tail; it’s silent but pungent }

She loves me

{ Even she is startled; but this one notable mostly for its sound }

She loves me not

{ She gives a happy stare upward; it’s on my foot, all over my bare toes }

* the family dog has all sorts of anxiety that frequently upsets her delicate gastrointestinal process. when she’s upset, she’s also often seeking us out. and farting on us.  

** and yes, flatulence is a recurring theme in my blog. go figure. 

Sleepaway camp

It was a very serious discussion, the subject being the care of her child’s beloved teddy bear.  

Her daughter was about to go to sleepaway camp for the first time ever – and her daughter had made the very important decision that – unlike all of her other adventures so far – teddy bear should stay home. Her daughter explained that she wanted teddy bear to be safe and clean and not lost or forgotten somewhere at camp. Her daughter was willing to make the journey alone if she knew that teddy bear was going to be at home waiting for her return. So the mother agreed to keep teddy bear safe and clean and not lost or forgotten.  The mother agreed that teddy bear would wait and that her daughter was selfless and brave for going alone to camp.  

The mother just was not sure about herself, that’s all.  

Start

She didn’t know how to find her way back to the beginning anymore 

and the more she thought about how to find it the more confused she became 

and soon she was so hopelessly lost that there was no point in going back 

and it only made sense to start again right where she was because 

she didn’t know how to find her way back to the beginning anymore.