Note to world #3339

Almost every corridor at work was a giant circle looping back on itself eventually – and yet she managed to find the one hallway that was a dead end.  

She felt perhaps this was not a good sign. 

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Dog love 6

I wake to my little dog vigorously wagging her tail and trying to reach my arm with her wet nose.

It is 3 am.  I realize through sleepy haze that she needs to go outside to do her business. Urgently.  I stumble out of bed and house and then stand under moonlight while she frantically paces the yard, desperate to find the perfect spot.

We do this again at 4 am and 5 am. And once again before I go to work.  At my desk, I am grateful for coffee.  Big steamy cups of it that I inhale all day long through giant yawns.

I ponder whether this is what it means to be “dog tired” – but then I figure that maybe only my dog must be this nutty about her biological functions.

Note to world #2855

It was just another weekend of feeling so out of place.  

All the really serious sports moms wore this sort of stretchy stuff with weird patterns that made her feel seasick when she looked at them too long.  The other moms looked like maybe they had stepped out of some preppy clothes catalog, replete with cloth belts embossed with tiny whales. Some of the moms changed clothes at midday and then again at night before they took the team to the local sports bar/restaurant. This army of women had enormous SUVs, in the back of which they kept folding chairs with umbrella covers, giant coolers on wheels and anything else that might be super handy at a sporting event. And they were uber focused on their daughters’ games, yelling out meaningful support and documenting every play with a photo or video shot.  

She had an odd assortment of all-wrong clothes – one set, no wardrobe changes – and a baseball cap she borrowed from her daughter. She had no chair, no cooler and nothing but her work papers in her car. She sat on the bench quietly and reviewed documents and sent work emails. She never yelled anything. She didn’t really take photos unless something artsy or strange struck her fancy.  She didn’t understand the game happening on the field or on the sidelines.

And she was pretty sure this was a variation of the same scene when she was watching her other daughter’s dance recitals. 

She wondered : When will this part be over? Even though she also knew she would miss it when it was actually done. 

Note to world #8883

I have a communication problem : I often say exactly what I mean. 

Turns out that people don’t really like that. So it’s a problem. My problem. And it’s become quite a limiting factor lately.  

So I try to sit around and say nothing at all, afraid to say any small thing for fear of what rip it might cause in my guts, for fear of what else might spill out from my heart.  I try to understand what people want from me without using words. 

I practice faking a constant half smile until I can feel it burned into my cheekbones.  I decide that pretending to take notes – even doodling – is more acceptable than fidgety hands and I buy a nice notebook to hide my thoughts and my anxiety.  I cry about songs on the radio and stories I read in the paper instead of about any real pain I may feel every day. I try to breathe deeply and I try to float. 

Because I have a communication problem : people want me to say less about what I really mean. 

And I want to please them. 

Even when it feels like I am carving out my soul sometimes. 

Wrong person

she ran into him on the sidewalk

by chance, and went on and on:

she said too much about nothing –

not once sharing her real thoughts,

her voice trailed off into the wind

and so did his attention, so she 

continued to walk along with her dog

in search of the next wrong person.

Note to world: emoji mysteries

Dear emoji-using people of the world : 

Today I noticed that there are NINE (!) cat face emojis — in the “people” section, no less — but only one dog face emoji – in the “animal” section.   

And while I totally understand why the one dog face chosen is that of a happy Fido, I don’t get the reason why cats appear to have a more expressive range of emotions than dogs. The last time I checked, all cats seemed to have a constant demeanor of bemused annoyance.  

And I understand even less why cats and dogs are separated so starkly as people v. animal…..unless it has something to do with the way Donald Trump views the world….in which case, I give up because that’s another phenomenon I totally don’t understand either. 

Sincerely, 

The lady who only recently tapped into her true emotions, let alone wrangled her emoji usage correctly