The list of stickered instructions and warnings on each pill vial gave her a good laugh, even though she was otherwise feeling down and funky about her middle aged ailments. She tried twisting and stringing together the ones that gave her the most giggles into the nonsense she felt they conveyed : which was a good sign that her funk was not going to move in with her–it was just passing through. This was her life – at present. Such good times. She then took a handful of pills, giving salutations to the empty kitchen around her before popping each tablet into her mouth.
Take with water. And do not drink milk. (ever, or just with the medication, she wondered? Because she consumed a lot of milk in the summer — usually in the form of ice cream and milkshakes with her children.)
Do not lie down for ten minutes after taking this medication. But this medication may cause dizziness. (Did passing out count as lying down?)
Be careful after you take this medication. (She always tried to be careful!)
Take this medication 2 hours after your vitamins and 6 hours after any antacids. (She didn’t take antacids. And she had given up vitamins a while ago, for that matter. Maybe she should start again – except now she’d have to do the math about when she could take those – and she couldn’t be bothered with math right now.)
Swallow whole. (Was there another way to swallow a pill?)
Avoid exposure to sunlight. (The medicine or her? Did fluorescent office lighting count ? Because that was her main source of sunshine these days….and she could really use a nice summer tan one of these days.)
Take exactly as instructed. (Oh, don’t worry – if anything, she could be slavishly obedient. And she was definitely unlikely to take medical matters into her own hands. She felt like the monopoly guy might also appear at her home at any minute to also say: Do not pass “Go”, do not collect $200.)