Acupuncture

Her stint with acupuncture was brief.

First of all, simply finding time to sit around with needles in her face was stressful. Swallowing all of the stinky supplements and slurry powdery mixes made her feel seasick and turned her poop funny colors. And of course, she had only gone twice before her lies started. To avoid the nagging needle man, the guy who was supposed to make her feel better and who pressed her to reduce the inflammation in her body, she started pretending that she was completely gluten free and vegan. Like many falsehoods, it wasn’t a complete lie – she was simply at the beginning of her journey to become a grass-eating rabbit.

As a gesture of good faith and a sign of her good intentions, she immediately started using almond milk instead of cow’s milk. That lasted about a week – exactly coinciding with the time she reached into the refrigerator and inadvertently poured chicken broth into her morning coffee before rushing out the door. Same blue rectangular container with the funny spout top….but very different taste: blech.

She also removed most gluten from her life before 6 pm – when it was much easier to avoid at the bland work cafeteria – but had a serious and permanent lapse when the annual Halloween party rolled around – at which gluten seemed an integral component. Plus who knew so much of the really good candy contained gluten ! An entire evening of gelatinous gummy worms was not her idea of the perfect Halloween feast. And once she was back consuming regular milk and corn syrup…well, why bother with the needles ? Or the lying ?

So she let her acupuncture appointments lapse and poured herself a big glass of milk and ate two cookies. Gluten-free, of course…but mostly because they were remarkably tasty.

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