I felt neither here nor there.
In fact, I did not feel at all, except for the rush of hot water over my skin while I stood in the shower, numb and standing, only standing, and not trying to accomplish anything other than just holding still and quiet for a moment. My thoughts had become disconnected from reality and strayed into the steamy mist around me. I myself was floating farther away into evaporated nothingness, that bright empty space that I sometimes glimpse right before my children wake up and chaos breaks out on every micro level.
And then one of the girls called out for me to perform one of my more uncanny maternal skills: finding lost items. The day had started. I sighed and turned off the shower, scrubbing extra hard with the towel to return myself to the everyday.